Afterlife

Afterlife

The sky looked perfect today; no sign of rain on today’s forecast… I just wished it would feel like this every day, no pain, no strife, nothing. It is as if I was walking into a dream and I never wanted to wake up. Every time I would take a walk on a certain path, I would usually feel at peace with myself. It’s nice to see people walking to and fro to wherever place they may be. As I continued walking down, I just waved my hands at them, having that warm, fuzzy feeling inside as they waved me back with smiles on their faces. I swear it was such an beautiful sight, seeing different people, young and old, male and female; It didn’t bother me at all as to why they were all wearing suits and dresses with the same color: Heavenly White; I just thought it was some fashion statement or something, a fad if you will. In all honesty, the color complimented their figures as they walked under the almighty Sun. The faces they bore resembled that of the gods and goddesses of myth, If only I could touch such beauty…

As much as everything seemed like paradise, not everything was placed to perfection… there were these disturbing voices that I would usually hear as I continued strolling down my path. All of these voices sounded angry, dominant and violent. I could barely tell who was speaking, but they were beginning to scare me.

They kept on telling me things that I didn’t want to hear. They all kept shouting at me “YOU DON’T BELONG HERE!!” & “GO BACK TO WHERE YOU ONCE CAME!”

I was bewildered by these confounded statements, I just covered my ears and started running… running until the voices in my head died down. I just sprinted holding my ears to drown out everything screaming “GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!!”. The people began looking and, mumbling and whispering to one another. Perhaps they were thinking that I was beginning to go insane. I ran with tears in my eyes… then the voices finally died. I was safe… for now…

As I continued walking down a long stretch of pavement still reeling from a rather haunting dilemma. I decided to just rest in a playground that I use to hang around a lot when I was kid. The playground made me forget all the stressful things in the world. I was the happiest kid in the playground as I played with the other kids my age. But now the once teeming paradise for kids was now a shadow of its former self, it felt like a ghost town in its own right. The slides were all empty and somehow rusty, and the sandbox was occupied by toys that were abandoned by their kids, it was such a pity. I was beginning to wonder if this place was truly a paradise after all. But what mattered as of the moment was finding a place to rest… the voices were trying to find its way back to my ears..
I decided to look for a place to sit or just relax or anything just to get my mind of the stress.

I continued walking around the playground until I saw a young boy swinging on a swing set without a care in the world, he looked pretty lonely judging from the rather melancholic look on his face as he moved forward and backward. The strange thing about this boy though was that he has small little black wings at his back, first the people wearing white now a kid with black wings… this was beginning to feel strange. The way I see it, angels would usually have white wings, this one was entirely different.
Despite being startled by the appearance of these said wings I decided to approach him casually and just sat on a vacant swing beside him. The angel slowly let the swing move back to its stationary position as the young lad saw me. He then gave a rather small stare of hatred as if I had some deep, dark secret that would hurt the young boy.

I gently asked the young seraphim “What’s with the face, kid?”

The angel replied with a surprisingly serious tone “You don’t belong here!”

I was rather shocked by statement…
Why would I not be a part of place that is gleaming with peace and light, of everlasting hope…

I was beginning to feel defensive about the statement and decided to question it “Why wouldn’t I be part of such a place so beautiful?”

The young angel replied coldly “Because it’s not your time here…yet” I was rather baffled by the phrase, what do you mean by “It’s not my time here yet” ?

The little angel continued to explain saying “Listen, it’s not yet your time. You have a life to live, people to meet; to fall in love …besides, you’ll be back here soon anyway”

The way he mentioned these things felt familiar… it probably had something to do with what happened earlier. Then all of a sudden the voices started coming back, they shrieked again “GO BACK!!”. I clutched my head in pain with the angel looking startled; he asked me “Something bothering you?”

I decided to hide it saying “It’s nothing, just a minor headache that’s all…”
After a few minutes of pondering I noticed someone walking across that looked so very familiar. She was a gentle woman who looked like she was in her mid-thirties; she was sporting long hazel hair with a smile that only a son could love. That very woman I saw somehow matched the features to that of my mother, but it can’t be… my mother died when I was still young. From some damn sickness I wasn’t able to understand back then.  Death was something I wasn’t able to understand, I just wished that it wasn’t part of life. I just wished I could live in a world where dying never existed…

Even after she was laid to rest, I cried for weeks on end, it hurt me so much. My father tried consulting me about moving on with life but it never worked. I would just lock myself in my room and cried myself to sleep… I just wished she was here. The last thing I saw on her face was a smile so serene that it made me feel at peace.

Before making any assumptions the angel asked in a rather serious tone “Do you know who that woman is?” I replied “ I don’t, it’s just that she reminds me of my mother…”
Before making any more speculations the woman I saw a while ago saw me then all of sudden ran towards me, tears in her eyes. She hugged saying “I-is that you, Michael?”

How does this woman know my name?!? I rarely give my name to strangers… I pushed her back asking her “Who are you?!?” She replied… “It’s me… your mommy…” I was stunned, how was it possible that this very person who I loved more than anything in the world, who died when I was still growing up, could possibly meet me at this very moment…

I continued to let my “mother” hug me as tears rolled down her face, she grabbed my cheeks with hands that were still soft as before. She said with a soft grin “My, my, you’ve grown a lot since I last saw you… have you been doing well?”

I still couldn’t find the words to respond but I had to anyway “I-I-I’ve been doing well, I have a decent job and everything…” My mother looked ecstatic, knowing that I was capable of achieving things. She continued saying “You’ve really grown up, Michael… I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to see you become the man I see now.”

I wasn’t able to fight back the tears any longer, I finally let go of all the pent-up sadness as I continued to hug my mother after not seeing her in years.
But before I can continue to talk to her more she grabs by the shoulders saying “Michael, I know that you’re surprised to see me and I wish that I can still talk to you… but it isn’t your time yet… you have to move far away from here and enjoy life. You’ll see me in the afterlife again… I promise.”

The word “afterlife” shook me, am I really in the afterlife? I didn’t care anymore as long as I with my mother again after all these years. I didn’t care anymore; I just wanted to be with her again…  

But as if by some dreadful magic, she started to fade; her essence was slowly dwindling away. The touch of her hand that once meant everything to me began to disappear into oblivion. Her face was still showing a sense of gratitude knowing that she has now seen that her little bundle of joy has finally grown into a man.
I screamed “Mom?...MOM, MOOOOM!! MAMA!!” Then in a blinding light, she disappears into nothingness. Even some of the tears I caught faded into nothing. All that was left of her was her voice whispering “I’ll always be with you… always…”

All the angel told me was “She’s finally found peace, Michael”

In a sudden rush, I passed out…

By the time I opened my eyes, I saw a ceiling of white the rush of cool air around my body. I saw a man in a white coat with glasses approach me.

He asked “My boy, are you feeling better now?”

I had the worst headache of my life, I just wanted to sleep again or something.

I slowly got up asking the man saying  “Where am I?”

He replied in a serious tone “Well, you’re in the hospital… by the looks of the symptoms it seems you were suffering from  Schizophrenia… people have been noticing that you acted strange as you strolled down a street this morning…”

At first I was rather shocked to know that everything I witnessed was just a figment of my imagination but then the term he used hit me. Schizophrenia…I’ve heard of that before, it was some sort of psychological disorder that had something to do with hearing things that aren’t there or something like that.

I didn’t feel like asking questions so I just let the doctor tell me more.

“According to some findings, Schizophrenia can be manifested, or dormant if you will, if you have witnessed a rather painful incident, physically or psychologically just to name a few. Tell me, have you witnessed anything traumatizing as a child?”  

It was painful to talk about it but he is trying to help so… “My mom died when I was still young, it was painful to say the least…”

The doctor then made a conclusion “This may have caused you to have hallucinations about seeing your mother and perhaps you have heard some voices as well.” He may have a point, but for now I just wanted to rest. The hallucinations I just witnessed took its toll on me.

I just replied “Thanks doctor…”

He quickly replies “Doctor Benavidez…”

I finished “Benavidez…”

He quickly gets up from his seat and tells me “Just take a nice rest, the medication should help…”

I thanked him one more as I watched him exit my room and close the door. I sat in my bed, remembering the “dream” I had and all of it looked so real… from the angel to my mother, everything. I continued to ponder until a whisper came into my saying… “I’ll always be here for you, Michael… “

A single tear rolled down my face as I clutched my pillow whispering

“Thanks, Mom…”