deviant art

Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
[x]
Download File
HTML, 1.1 KB
more ▶

More from ~Shadow-Fox168

Featured in Groups:

Details

November 14, 2012
1.1 KB
Link
Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 12
Favourites: 8 [who?]

Views: 129 (0 today)
Downloads: 3 (0 today)
[x]
The Coliseum, A Lair Of Atrocities

Bloody curtains fall in this malevolent lair,

Cacophonous cracks of broken bones litter the air.

Atrocities sang in twisted hosannas in this coliseum as

The sands mixed with the seas of blood as man

Entwines with beast in a violent dance.

Gladiators were dressed for death as vexations

Were pitted against his own kind.

Violence became a pleasure as well as a curse

That befell this tragic kingdom.

The lightning cracked, flashing combat.

As cold steel kissed warm flesh, at last.

This stage was meant for one victor only.

The crowds howled for more

In the scorching sun to the ebony moon.

The morbid deeds never forgotten as

Nightmares stalk the crooked shadows

That roamed the veils of this slaughterhouse.
:iconshadow-fox168:
Hey guys I just decided to drop by and make this quick poem about the Roman Coliseum and the horrible things that once happened there. This just came out of my head all of a sudden :) So please do forgive my spontaniety.

This is also for :#Live-Long-Write:'s writing prompt

Theme: Gladiator

Comment and Criticism are welcome

Poem (C) Me
Add a Comment:
 
:iconnotensmsk:
~NotenSMSK Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This held a wonderful imagery. I loved how you played with words to descrbe the atmosphere inside the collesium (ignore spelling mistakes) and how you brought the events and make them proceed, giving a hint of the people's psychology in the way. What slightly disappointed me was that there was rhyming in the start which, when it disappeared, left me a bit disappointed. I won't say add rhyming to this, I like it the way it is but it would have been better had their either been no rhyming or full rhyming. Nevertheless a wonderful work!
Reply
:iconshadow-fox168:
Thank you for the criticism I appreciate what you think are the strengths and weaknessess of the piece. And I noticed that you have a DLD yourself.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
~NotenSMSK Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are very welcome and ah yes... I do have one as well.
Reply
:iconshadow-fox168:
Somehow I envy you for that... just saying.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
~NotenSMSK Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No need for that :) submit the work... collesium (ignore spellings) or any other wonderful work and you will get it as well :D Just see the pattern to submit :D
Reply
:iconshadow-fox168:
It's hard to self-suggest... I've seen works that have been suggested by others. It's discouraging...
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
~NotenSMSK Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It depends :) it is not a crime or even disgraceful to self-suggest. If your work is good enough, then there is no need to have a problem with self-suggesting :)
Reply
:iconshadow-fox168:
Yeah, even after self-suggesting like 4-5 times XD. I'm still doing my best no matter what. I keep suggesting.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconbelarosewolf:
~BelaRoseWolf Nov 18, 2012  Student Writer
This is a nice poem, and I love the theme! History has always fascinated me... But anyway, I love your descriptions! Great work.
Reply
:iconshadow-fox168:
Thank you and yeah... I always think of those kinds of stuff in history.
Reply
Add a Comment: